We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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