Whod you bang
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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