so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
