i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
