We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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