last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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