Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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