hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
