you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
