well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
