And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
