Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
