maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
