Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
