WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
