He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
