rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Less talking, more tequila
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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