did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
