I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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