If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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