My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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