When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
