I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
