If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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