sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
3pm strippers are depressing
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
