wakey wakey hands off snakey
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
