There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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