we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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