That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
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All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
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