i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
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