My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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