ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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