were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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