Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
