Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
