i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i just google imaged poop.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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