Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
