he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
