I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize