girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
BRING THE BAGELS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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