gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
