She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
