how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
