ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
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Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
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I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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