When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
i now understand why vodka
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
