she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
