She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
