the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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