I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
