sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
