a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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