dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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