Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
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