You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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