Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
