Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
