Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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