he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
