I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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