I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
