so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
