got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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