You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
