tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
