I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
