So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
