So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
