I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
