You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
