That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
