just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
